worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
