There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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