Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
