There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
