You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
