I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
