I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
