I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
