i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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