I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
