my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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