I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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