After last night, I could never be a politician.
Quick, to the slutcave!
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
