what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Randomize
