I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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