i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
