I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We left an ass print on the piano.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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