Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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