I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
