Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
