Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I got her a Nickelback box set.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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