Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
