We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
