I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize