the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
