i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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