currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
