dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize