He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
