I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
soo... how was my night?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
