When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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