if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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