Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
