Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You left your underwear on the fireplace
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
