Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
