he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
