He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
