my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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