I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Randomize
