Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
