there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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