My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
40s are totally the cure
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
BRING THE BAGELS
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
