My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize