I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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