I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
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