Soap is not a condiment
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
