On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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