those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
