The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
