I need help removing her.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
