I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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