"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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