This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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