I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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