after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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