Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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