i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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