I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I licked your asshole in confidence.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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