It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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