Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The power of my boobs compel you
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize