stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize