PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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