I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
