Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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